A place to call home

For the past 3 years i have lived in 2 different houses, neither of which I could call “home”. They were merely a place to sleep and live my life. It didnt have any deeper feeling as something truly “mine”.

“Home” is more a feeling than a place really. A sensation you have when you are somewhere you feel as yours even if you’ve been there for just a few days. I’ve stayed in places for a day and felt as if it was my home, and on the other side, i’ve been living almost 2 years in my actual house now and still i dont get that feeling.

It has nothing to do with the building itself really, is the people that live in it. The people you share your time with and how they make you feel. The ones that gives you that…i dont know how to describe it. “home” is when you feel safe, confortable, cared, welcomed… A place when you do things because you want to and not because you have to.

Now that i’m going to move to a new place, i’ve been thinking about how i’ve been living here and how i want to live there. I dont want to live again as i’ve done it here. I’m not saying it wasnt a good experience. You have to try things at least for a certain ammount of time to say “i dont like this” and not just say it the minute you dont like it. But i think 2 years have been enough.

Before i moved to this place, i was in another one that was similar, and that one didnt turn up quite well either. They were both student houses. And the lifestyle there was not the kind of “we will live like a family” but more like “this is my space and that is yours”. Its alright as an experience as i’ve said, but i didnt enjoy it the first time and i dont enjoy it now.

I like it sure. It has good things and bad things as everything. If the number of good things were less than the number of bad things i wouldnt keep on living this way. But “to like” and “to enjoy” are different things. Why would anyone want to “like living this way” if he could “enjoy living this way”?

If you want to live with someone in the same place, i think the main thing to keep in mind is “sharing”. One cant live on a 24/7 “if you do yours i’ll do mine” or “This part of the fridge is yours and that mine” basis. For me, i think 1+2 years have been enough to know what i dont want my life in a house to be.

When i first moved out of my parent’s house, i had a great time. My first 2 years were awesome. I lived with other students but in a completly different frame. It was all about doing things together, sharing expenses, laughs and also bad moments. It wasnt so individual. I mean, i still want to keep my personal space as americans say, but not this way. I dont want to feel “invited” in my own place. I dont want to be a stranger in my own house.

I definedly want to take a turn on this part of my life and I’m looking forward to start from scratch again. Not really from scratch because i do have some experience now, but in a way, yes.

A new beginning. A fresh start. A place to call home.