The BIG Search

I have been feeling in constant change for the past years, out of routine, i tried many things, reinventing myself or at least trying to.

I love travelling ‘cos I have to change and adapt. I kinda try to feel like i’m travelling even if I’m home and so I get in as many new situations as possible. New experiences, new challenges. Seeing myself from outside and enjoying the situation no matter if it’s good or bad, there is always something new to learn. Sometimes the lesson comes quite late, but it always comes sooner or later.

I’m trying ‘cos I am looking for something. I’m looking for something I love doing or being beyond any logical  reason. I am looking for THAT. I still havent figured out the shape or the size, but I’m on it. Maybe its nothing physical, maybe it’s a state of mind. Some balance between crazy excitement and relaxed coolness.Whatever it is, it has to change too. Change in time as I change so I can be with it all the time and for as long as it lasts. Something I’m confortable with and enjoy doing or being.

I like the unknown. In some aspects in my life (almost all) I do not look for settled ideas, places or attitudes. Not for now at least. I still keep that sparkle in my eyes and I smile with new things. Maybe they turn out to be bad at the end, but bad or good, that’s always how one think it is. There is always something new to learn even if its something one has done a trillion times.

I hate routine. I hate people who do always the same stuff or behave the same way. I’m not talking about daily routine (wake up-go to work/study-sleep). Everyone have to go through that to get some money i guess. I’m talking about people who act always the same way. No matter the situation, you know before hand what they are thinking and what their next move will be. You know what to expect. Predictable is the word i was looking for (in the bad way).

I think one has to leave some room for unpredictible situations in life. Not all the time, but neither never. A balance between both. For me, i think i feel confortable somewhere closer to “always” than to “never”. For example: I try not to go out if i know already what’s gonna happen before i go through my house’s door.

Routine activities, predictable people…I like them from time to time, who doesnt?, but i get tired and look for something new when i get bored. Adventures, experiences…not just doing “the same as always”.