Useless motherfuckers

Im tired of useless people around me who only make me lose my time. Is not like my time is important in general, but its my time, and i dont want to feel as if im losing it with some crap guy who is just doing nothing but bullshitting around and making me angry and dissapointed.

I have met a few of those at work and the worst think is that I’m starting to understand one term we use at work “bullshitting” someone. Is like telling a story. Useless story to make something easy or non important sound important or quite difficult.

I hate to bullshit people and even more when someone is bullshitting me ‘cos now i get it pretty quickly. When someone is just talking, talking talking without getting anywhere, just justifying his ignorance and trying to hide his incompetence in his work by telling you a story. I dont really care if that person cant help me, it’s alright. Nobody knows everything. In fact, people normally know just a few things. Im alright with that. But when someone doesnt know about a subject and you ask him for help and instead of telling you a “im sorry, i’d like to, but i dont think i can help you with that because i dont know”, he starts bullshitting….aarg!

The worst thing about all this bullshit is that it makes me angry, and when im driving back home, it becomes road-rage. People in spain dont know how to drive. Well, they do know how to steer the car wheel and drive alone, but not how to behave in a crowded highway. Common sense, i might think, but as a matter of fact, some crazy assholes are driving around without any consideration or respect for the rest.

I’m not talking about bad drivers who risk their lives with their driving, im talking about the assholes that risk other people’s live’s too…i cannot understand it.

I’m clearly fed up at the min, and the main reason for that is the useless motherfuckers i have to deal with during the day. They are everywhere, and somedays are just too many for me to handle.

When the car becomes your Second House

I’ve been spending a lot of time in the car (again), and some feelings long forgotten are coming back. They are good and I like them.

Is the feeling of when you spend so much time in the car, it becomes like another room of your house. I’ve seen people have breakfast (i do it too), put make up (i dont) and even cut the finger nails.

One starts to drive without thinking. Like typing: When you just think and do automaticly without having to go through the process of now i do this, then that…So one can start to enjoy the views (not the traffic jams), like today for example: The moon was almost full and watched me all the way from home to my workplace. Bright silver sphere with a purple background.

Beautiful.

Nice, France

Is where I will be going for 2 weeks for a work training…

from Nov. 12th…Anyone wanna come and visit?

Monday monday

Its the beginning of the week and i’m tired. Not good.

Too much partying during the weekend leaves me exhausted. Although it was good. It was different and I liked that.

On friday I went out in Madrid with a brazilian friend (Joao) and Amir. Good time but ended up pretty wasted at 6h30 or so.

On saturday I went to a german’s friend’s house and there we had pfanekuchen…which is german for pancakes. Good time, laughs and drinks. I met new people and I think I will keep on hanging around with them for a while If i can. Moritz: Great friendly guy. German with an ecuatorian accent. Haha, that was funny.

Sunday I had a typical brazilian meal with some other friends. Red beans with meat. Pretty heavy and tasty. Then, we watched Raikkonnen win the F1 championship (well, if you watched the spanish tv, it was more Hamilton losing than Raikkonnen winning…).

Although I need more than 10h sleep to catch up, I find myself unable to sleep more than 7h at once lately, which left me without the extra 3h i needed for a good monday start. It took me a long time to fall asleep yesterday cos I had too many things running around in my mind…

Shit, i’m late

That was my very first thought when i woke up this morning and realised it was 8h30. I was late for work, cos i still had 45 min car drive to the office and the only possibility, a teleport station AT3000 that could take me to my work place in 0.4 secs was not yet invented.

The reason why I slept over was quite simple: I stayed up till 4h30 the night before and came home quite happy-drunk…so the odds of getting into bed and up again in 3h were highly improbable…but i risked it. I slept 1h longer and I had to run run run.

I wasnt worried but the first second. It was strange…cos I started laughing my ass off. What a night. What a life. Still running and enjoying. There was no way I was gonna make it but still I tried to have fun and enjoy that “Oh shit” moment.

After all, I was gonna be only 30 mins late… tops. I finally got there 15 mins late, so it wasnt that bad after all. I was dead tired all day and kept myself busy drinking water (for the headache) and loads of black coffee.

Its 19h now, im about to leave the work (1 was supposed to leave at 18h but im just confortable around here)…Plans for later? Get ready and go out. Of course! hahaha

Making things easier

Im tired of having to chase people around. Specially when i’m trying to be friendly and all i get from them is a straight face and a look. No words, just a look.

I’m fed up with being nice to people after they have spit on my face and act as if i’m alright again. I’m not!. Once again, i’ll stop being “the nice guy” and start respecting myself.

There are moments in life when i feel like i’m not being fair to myself. Why would i have to say “sorry” if that person doesnt deserve it? Is not like sorry is a hard word for me to say, but i think i just say it too often even when i dont feel i should. I’m tired of apologizing to people who are never nice back to me or just rarely whenever they need something. People who only see what the other has done wrong but think that they are right. Always. I’m through with that. I wont listen to anyone who tries to lecture me about something that i have done that i dont think it’s wrong in the first place.

To those selfish, blind and egocentric people, i only have 2 words: Fuck off!. I dont really need you and i’m tired of “always being there for whatever you need”. That’s not friendship, that’s using another person at one’s will. Like a piece of toilet paper: When you need it, it’s the only thing you could ask for in this life, but other than that, you just ignore it.

I dont deserve that and i wont take anymore shit from anyone. Period.

Finding the way

I think i have already written about this in the past, but I just feel like thinking out loud about it again, so here is a thought:

In this BIG search i was talking about the other day, I came to realize that I have to know what I want and go for it, but the reality is that i dont know what i’m looking for exactly. All I know is that when i find it, i will know it’s what i was looking for. So, so far, all i can do is try new things and discard those that i dont like. Try and error.

Maybe it would be easier if i knew where my goal was so i could plan my way to it, but since i have no idea, i will have to keep on knocking on every possible door i find in the way, take any possible track for as far and as long as i feel is the right one, and keep looking.

I think there is a difference between “getting what you want” and “not getting what you dont want”. As there is a difference between “being happy” and “not being unhappy”. I dont wanna be “not unhappy”. What i’m looking for is “happiness”. It seems like an easy thing to do, but its taking a while for me. I guess i cant stop moving my ass trying to find a confortable way to sit on a wooden chair. Sometimes i think i got it, but after a while, i realize my ass hurts again and i have to look for another position to feel confortable. There is one position for everyone, i just havent found mine.

Long weekend ahead

Its Thursday. It’s 20h42. Tomorrow is bank holiday here in Spain and so that means we are free from friday till sunday. Wo-hoo

The BIG Search

I have been feeling in constant change for the past years, out of routine, i tried many things, reinventing myself or at least trying to.

I love travelling ‘cos I have to change and adapt. I kinda try to feel like i’m travelling even if I’m home and so I get in as many new situations as possible. New experiences, new challenges. Seeing myself from outside and enjoying the situation no matter if it’s good or bad, there is always something new to learn. Sometimes the lesson comes quite late, but it always comes sooner or later.

I’m trying ‘cos I am looking for something. I’m looking for something I love doing or being beyond any logical  reason. I am looking for THAT. I still havent figured out the shape or the size, but I’m on it. Maybe its nothing physical, maybe it’s a state of mind. Some balance between crazy excitement and relaxed coolness.Whatever it is, it has to change too. Change in time as I change so I can be with it all the time and for as long as it lasts. Something I’m confortable with and enjoy doing or being.

I like the unknown. In some aspects in my life (almost all) I do not look for settled ideas, places or attitudes. Not for now at least. I still keep that sparkle in my eyes and I smile with new things. Maybe they turn out to be bad at the end, but bad or good, that’s always how one think it is. There is always something new to learn even if its something one has done a trillion times.

I hate routine. I hate people who do always the same stuff or behave the same way. I’m not talking about daily routine (wake up-go to work/study-sleep). Everyone have to go through that to get some money i guess. I’m talking about people who act always the same way. No matter the situation, you know before hand what they are thinking and what their next move will be. You know what to expect. Predictable is the word i was looking for (in the bad way).

I think one has to leave some room for unpredictible situations in life. Not all the time, but neither never. A balance between both. For me, i think i feel confortable somewhere closer to “always” than to “never”. For example: I try not to go out if i know already what’s gonna happen before i go through my house’s door.

Routine activities, predictable people…I like them from time to time, who doesnt?, but i get tired and look for something new when i get bored. Adventures, experiences…not just doing “the same as always”.

Mr. Friendly

Everybody loves Mr. Friendly. He’s such a nice guy…

 

I have always considered myself a Mr. Friendly. Never got into a fight, always cool with whatever happened around me. Not looking for confrontation or being in a mood with anyone. Patient, openminded and understanding everyone’s point of view.

 

It wasnt easy to cope with everything and everyone and make all work in a virtual harmony. It all required someone to give up on his goals for the benefit of the whole. I felt that that person was most of the time me. And I know i havent been always trully open and a lot of times i have been quite selfish, but so far, i think i’ve given up on my thoughts and have taken other people’s opinion many more times than I have done what i trully felt like. Maybe it was because of a lack of self confidence, personality or just because i didnt see the point of arguing and losing time with a meaningless situation. I just took the easy way. Be ok and go along.

 

There is a song that says “If you wanna be bad you gotta be tough”. I dont want to be bad or become an ass, but feel like i want to get rid of my “Mr. Friendly” tag. I know there is a middle point between being a “jerk” and being a “Mr.Use-me-as-you-please-cos-i’ll-be-ok”. I got tired of it and I have made myself these days a promise to start taking care of my mental well being and stop tolerating other people’s behavior towards myself that make me feel bad, guilty or sad. I just dont think i deserve to take anyone’s shit and i’m tired of solving everyone’s issues. From today on, i’ll stop being a tissue or a piece of paper anyone can use to clean up, feel better and then throw away. I just dont think i deserve it. I’m fed up.

 

I will be cool with those who WANT me and not USE me. Those who show some interest for me and dont just show up whenever they want me to help them with whatever. And believe me, I know many of those. People who make time for me, who care and who understand me and not just take take take without giving anything back, people who never have time or people who just simply dissapear as soon as they’re done with me. I got sick of that and I am gonna start changing my attitude.

 

Some people might not like it, but I guess that’s what one gets when one stops to follow. You cant have everyone happy and there will be people who dont agree with what i do or say, some people will tell me i’m wrong and some will stop talking to me. I’m ok with that now because i know where i’m standing at. As the song said: You gotta be tough…

 

Dead tired

I am dead tired today and feeling like sleeping anytime everywhere.

I came yesterday from my first work experience in DSF-Tecnologias. Pretty interesting. We went to “Fuentes de Invierno”, a ski resort between Asturias and Leon, and we went there to do our job. Well, i just watched basically. I kept my mouth shut and learned