Lost

No, im not going to talk about the serie, im gonna talk about my toshiba crash problem that happened yesterday and how i lost all my data. Yep…

After trying several things (reinstall,check,fix…) i made up my mind that all data was going to be lost, so i stopped worrying and went to the shop to buy a new hard drive. That didnt work either so i worried again that it was not the HD but the laptop itself, some tricky hardware wires problem.

After checking some forums, i think its not going to be that tragic, so im gonna start again. Fresh.

I was thinking about cleaning up and reinstalling everything anyways, so it wasnt such a bad thing after all.

What day is it today?

I have been going out so much lately i can tell which day of the day is by remembering where i went to the night before. I dont go out till late though, cos i have to wake up at 6h50 the following day, but still.

Why do i do it? because it’s fun. I meet different boys and girls every day night and I can go through the day just with 5h of sleep. At least for now.

Having a busy social life and trying to keep in touch with everyone takes time and dedication. I dont know how long will i keep up with this schedule, but so far:

It’s all good!

The German Conection

Something i noticed lately is that since I started learning german around 3 years ago, german speaking people have stepped into my life. Maybe they were there the whole time, but i just didnt notice, maybe it’s coincidence that i meet more german speaking people or maybe i just look for german speaking people.

The fact is that i am surrounded by germans, austrians, swiss or foreigners that speak german, and i love it. Everywhere I go, there is always a german.

I guess is like when you want to buy a car or you are waiting for something. Everything that surrounds you suddenly becomes full of what you are thinking about. One becomes more perceptive and notices different things. Does it happen to you to?

Another sleepless Weekend

I just got to work. It’s 9.10. I dont have much time cos we have a meeting in a couple of mins but just wanted to write some lines about the weekend: Crazy and fun

Friday was good. Bday party with some guys and party till 6 in Alcalá.

Saturday: White Night (All museums & cultural performances for free till dawn).  Back home at 7.

I’ll post something more this afternoon.

A Thing I read today

As I was on my way to work, here is a thing i read in the newspaper of the guy sitting next to me:

 Every trip is a life, and every life is a trip.

I found this quote very interesting. Something to think about today…

101 Post

This is my post number 101. It seems like yesterday when i started writing this blog. I still remember it as if it was yesterday.

It was a few days after I came from my South East Europe trip with my mate Iñaki. A girl we met in Slovenja told me about wordpress right after I was offered a job reading and writing wordpress based blogs.

Serendipity made me think that I had to check this out further and so I started this blog. A bit hard at first until i got used to it but pretty simple once i managed to do the few things i needed: writing, putting pictures and some youtube videos from time to time.

A lot of things have happened since that day and that first post
and many others still the same. I met new people. Some became friends and some others didnt, I visited many places,  I ate different food from different countries and I felt happy, sad, full of joy and alone. As someone said a long time ago:

Keep on moving to remain in the same place

I havent changed at core, but I am definedly more aware of who I am and how I am than 1 year ago. I hope this knowledge lets me enjoy fully the coming happiness’ moments and helps me deal through the hard times in the coming future.

101 anniversary: Thanks for being there supporting me, caring, sharing and reading!

www.dsf-technologies.com

Today was my 1st day at work. Quite a good experience. Friendly people in a friendly enviroment.

So far i’ve met Andres (the boss), Frank (technician), Maria (admin), Katherin (admin) and David (temp-admin). The place is quite small but i liked it.

The most interesting thing i’ve found is the languages: Everyone speaks 3-4 languages there and everyone uses at least 2 on a daily basis. I’ve spent the morning listening to german conversations and also dutch.  I spoke in english, french and japanese. What kind of job is this?

The international enviroment is definedly the thing i like the most. People talking all the time in foreign languages and feeling as a normal thing to do.

I think i will like the work: the people i’m gonna be meeting, the places i’m gonna be going to and the things i will be doing. Each one a challenge i’m looking forward to experience.

I really have no idea about the work. Well…i do more or less, but as in every new job/experience, the fear of the unknown and the “will i be able to do this” feeling is very exciting to me and I like to face new situations.

It takes me a lot of time from my place to the work, so i’m gonna definedly move somewhere else sometime sooner or later but so far, i’ll stay where im at.

New projects ahead…love it!.

6+2=8

8 hours is the average a person should sleep a day, but does the studies mean 8h non stop or can one split it into different mini-sleeps as long as they all sum 8h every 24h?

As far as I know, you can only recover hours of sleep but you cant “sleep ahead”, that means that if you’re planning to do something tonight and will only be able to sleep 5h, you can’t take a 3h nap ahead and then expect to be as well as if you had 8h sleep.

What’s my point? I’ve been sleeping 5-6h at night and 1-2 after lunch and it’s definedly not the same..but you get used to it.

What have I been up to? This week’s “routine” has been:

8:20 Up.Shower.Bfast

9:00 Work

16:00 Back home. Cook lunch

16:30 Lunch+Movie

18:30 Nap

19:30 Internet+random stuff

23:00 Out for a drink

2:30 Back home.Bed

I havent been the most active person, i confess but i had to “enjoy” my nights now before i start the new job on monday, because i feel i wont be going out much once i start…I guess that was just an excuse…but it worked for me

I hope my next post will be a bit more interesting…I’m just bored at the min and had to do some “random stuff” to keep up with the schedule

Nelly Nelly

Say It Right

In the day
In the night
Say it right
Say it all
You either got it
Or you don’t
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there’s no time for joking
There’s a hole in the plan

Oh you don’t mean nothing at all to me
No you don’t mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

I can’t say that I’m not lost and at fault
I can’t say that I don’t love the light and the dark
I can’t say that I don’t know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonight you tonight

Oh you don’t mean nothing at all to me
No you don’t mean nothing at all to me
But you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me

From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?

I Want vs I Should

“I know its a bad and pointless thing to do…but i’ll do it anyways”

I have been finding myself in this situation lately and its been keeping me busy like a bee.

My “What do I want, what would make me happy right now” ideas crashed frontally with my “What should i do, what would be the best long term decission” ideas…And im telling you, the choices one take are not always the ones one should.

Sometimes one makes a decission because one feels like doing it in that very moment, despite the fact that deep down inside one knows its wrong and wont benefit oneself in any way, but its just the instant satisfaction what one seeks and the big picture gets blury.

“I should do this, ‘cos i know its the right thing to do…but i just feel like doing this other thing that goes the opposite way”. How many of us have been in this situation? I have been there many times believe me. Specially when studying I’ve thought many times “I should study every day and take it seriously at least 1 month before the exams start…but i just dont feel like”. I know i’m gonna be fucked up when exams come…but i just “cant” do it. I dont feel like doing it even if i know its gonna be bad for me in the long term.

A guy who knows he needs to study everyday even if he doesnt feel like and finally forces himself to sit every afternoon and open the books is a person with great will and mental strength. Remember, is a person who does not like to study, but he does it because he knows its good for his future. Is not a person who enjoys reading about a subject and can sit and read for hours because he likes it.

I say that that person has to be of a great mental strength because he has to to be able to split himself in two: The I-want side and the I-should side and make the second tell the first what to do in such a strong way, the I-want side would have no other choice but do it even if he doesnt feels like to.

Another situation i’ve experienced lately is with relationships, and here comes my point of all this long post: When it comes to girls and relations and the “i want” collides with the “i should”, i find myself with one passionated side and another rational side fighting with each other to overtake control of my actions.

I know people whose passionated side overtakes everytime in a relation. Maybe I’m wrong but I’d like to think I’m more ruled by the rational side in general, but sometimes it gets hard. Really hard. Specially if the girl is hot and has that something you dont know what the fuck it is but keeps you thinking about her all day and all night. Why cant i just let go and flow with the moment? Maybe i think too much. Maybe is because im used to make plans for everything, and if i can come up with a comprensible plan in seconds that suits the situation, i’ll just do it.

I’ve told myself a couple of times: “i know its wrong but…fuck it Miguel, relax a bit, enjoy life and enjoy these moments. Who knows when you will have another great chance like this again. Take it, take it, it’s alright”. That’s my passionated side talking to my rational side. And i admit I’ve done it a few times now.

But when i’ve had a hard on and my whole body has been red hot with steam comming out of my ears and i’ve heard this voice inside me saying “Stop, stop it right there. What are you gonna get out of this? What’s the point in the long run? Is this gonna make any difference? Think about how this will affect you and the other…” I knew it was my rational side dressed in black and with glasses. Straight face expression and a cold and heartless motherfucker attitude. A side that was telling me to think twice, three times or as many as I needed to to realize i shouldnt do what i was about to even if it had been the last thing i’d had done in my life. A voice that told me to make a 180º turn and start walking even if all my other senses were telling me not to.

Doing the right thing and choosing the right path aint always the easiest thing to do (otherwise, everyone would). There are tough moments when one has to take the decission that one think is the best for the future, no matter how tempting the present choice is. Its not always easy, and has to be understood by others when they see a person taking a from-all-sights a bad choice instead of the other.

Its a choice taken in the present that will only make sense in the future when looking back in the past.

It doesnt mean i’m giving up on my thoughts, dreams and goals H. I’ll always leave the door open in case the path i take spins and leads me back to a changed present point in the future. A better timing someone would say, a second chance others.

Episode IV: A New Hope

I dropped the bomb this morning. I finally told it to everyone at work. I went public on a decission I had taken a few weeks ago: I wanted to stop being sad and frustrated and start living with a renewed hope in my life. A greater goal. A direction turn in my life that will stop for once and all the painful (and as I see it now, pointless) path I re-started 2 years ago.

I am quiting the master studies for now. “For now” is my way of saying “for good” but without having the courage to admit it openly and express my inside thoughts. So, for now, i wont be continuing my studies. I wont keep on working at the scholarship at the university. A work I started last November and that has brought to me many memorable good moments and new friends.

I didnt see the point on continuing on the research center since it was a very good chance if one wanted to start working and keep on studying at the same time, but an end point if one only wanted to dedicate oneself to it. The center was a way, but not a goal itself.

What now? What lies ahead? What is waiting for me now? I really dont know. I have a slight idea of what the future can look like and I like it better than my expectations 3 months ago. A new hope. Renewed feeling of feeling alive, moving forward and walking the talk.

A lot of new changes coming up. I will change my house and move to the south of madrid. I dont have a date or a place yet, but it will happen sooner or later between the end of this month and the beginning of the following year.

I see it as a big adventure. In the past few weeks, i’ve taken a step back and to the side to see how my life was. How it was going and what I was doing. I wasnt deciding my way for a long time and just moving along with the flow. I needed to feel i was in control of my life again. Control my fate, try to make a change in my destiny, even if that’s impossible. I wasnt confortable and wasnt feeling fulfilled with my role in my own life. I had to play my cards and I made a move.

Only time will tell if i am doing the right choice, if i should have done it before, or if i shouldnt had done it at all. Only time has the final answer.

Beginnings are always scary, Endings are usually sad, but it’s what’s in the middle that counts the most. You should always remember that when you find yourself at the beginning.