Too old for this…

Im starting to think im no longer as motivated as i was a few years ago when talking about studying. Being more specific: Sitting all day in front of papers reading and studying.

My daily routine so far for the past few days has been: Up-Study-shower-bfast-study-lunch-siesta-study-dinner-bed.

Who am I lying?…I have to be honest with my self and the truth is THAT is what i’ve been doing PLUS checking every 10 minutes on internet. Really anything to keep me away of “my duty”.

Im starting to think im too old for this kind of studying. I mean, JUST STUDY.

Any suggestions? Clean the house, do laundry, wash the dishes? DONE THAT! The only thing i have left to do is study.

Well well, i really shouldnt complain, after all, i’m studying and still getting paid at work. Isnt that great?

One of these days i’m gonna start talking about why I am 28 years old and I am still studying. It’s quite interesting keeping in mind i already have a university degree…
why dont i just get a job?

Cant wait

for the weekend to begin.

Things are going ok. I spend pretty much all the time home “studying” cos i have my last exam on friday…then i’m off to the beach for a couple of days.

Life in the appartment has gotten much better after last night. It was a bit tough and an unconfortable situation to talk about things we didnt like of each other, but i felt so relieved afterwards…I said to myself “i should had done that 2 months ago”, but it wasnt easy, and maybe timing is a key thing to keep in mind. The right moment didnt come up till last night.

More stuff: Thailand. Im starting to shape what my trip is going to be like. didnt book any hostel or anything yet (and i’ll probably wont do it in advance to keep my chances open). I think i will be spending the first 2 days in Bangkok and then go north to Chiang Mai and see some temples. Then go south to Phuket and enjoy the nighlife and the beaches.

That’s pretty much all. It might sound like i have done really nothing, but its cos i want to keep it that way. Too much planning makes things predictible, and one thing i like about my summers is that anything can happen. No attachments or previous plans should be made in order to be able to seize the moment. See and opportunity and catch it as it flies by. GREAT SENSATION.

Enough said. I’m going back to my books

This is how we do it

This picture basically describes what work looks like some times here in Spain:

1 works and the rest watch

Bangkok to Singapore in 21days

This is what keeps me busy these days…

Loving, Sharing, Giving and Receiving

I just happened to find out this website which i find extraordinary.

I understand and agree with most of the notes left to roommates and co-workers and feel relieved to know that I am not the only person on this earth who is bothered by untidyness or other people’s attitude.

Again, nobody said living with others and sharing common stuff was easy, but people can get along without probs if everyone had some “common sense” and cared for the people in the same house. I believe the term i’m looking for is this.

These notes can become very funny too: Check this one out. Funny stuff.

Saturn Return

Sometime ago i read something like:

“Don’t stay too long in a work. Leave it before it becomes repetitive and there is nothing more to learn”

I like to challenge myself and i think the time has come, or at least is pretty close. I feel i need a big change in my life. A big step. Something like going fucking away for a long long time and start a new life.

Is not like i dont like the way I am now, but it’s just that i’ve been living in more or less the same way for the past 10 years, and i’d love to experience a big start. A desire of new experiences is burning inside me.

Beginnings are always hard and endings are most of the times sad, but it’s the middle what counts, and anyone should remember that when they find themselves in the beginning or the end of something.

2 years ago, as i was travelling through eastern Europe, i met this girl who started talking about “Saturn return” and what it was about…I don’t believe in astrology or the horoscope…but maybe she was right.

Its all about the little things

What is life without little things to worry or be bothered?

I think I realized a long time ago that the ups and downs in life are the salt and pepper of life…but i just forget about it sometimes.

I am doing an effort not to worry or be bothered by useless things. Things from which i wont get any satisfaction and have no point worrying about.

Take a step back, say “Fuck off” and just let go. Ignore them and dont get too obsessed with stupid little things.

As Eddie Murphy said: Take a coke and smile and shut the fuck up.

Don’t complain, you’re not the only one on this earth with probs and they’re surely not the biggest ones. Get on with your life and be happy about it.

Yep yep. So i’ve started to accomodate myself to this situation and try to be ok with it.
I’m still not feeling confortable around my house, but it’s ok. No big deal.

ITS ALL GOOD you know.

Feeling better

Yep yep…I’m doing quite ok for the past week or so now.
Still have the same things going on, but i guess i changed my mindset.

New cool refreshing airs coming ahead.

GREAT

Maybe…

I’ve been giving it a thought and i’ve come to the conclusion that the reason I feel this way is because I want to and in a way, I chose to.

One of the main reasons why i’m not feeling good is because of my housemates. I know it’s a bad thing to talk about others, but i’ve been holding myself too much now and I have to say it out loud or i’ll die: My housemates this year suck.

They’re great people. Really. But when they are together…they get into this “we’re a couple and do everything together” mood. That sucks and i always feel out of the way.
I know they dont give a fuck about anyone except from each other, which is great in a way. Love is a great thing. But there is a limit.

I guess I dont want to become that way and that’s why i rather be alone. The fear of becoming a complete asshole backs me up from getting into a serious relation with anyone. I really dont feel like sharing and living my life with just one other person. At least not now nor in the near future.

I know i have set myself high standards for the people I want to spend my time with. Not talking about just girls here. My thought is: Hey, if I wanna spend time with someone, it’s gonna be because i want to. Free will. And If i’m not confortable with someone, i’d rather stay alone.

I am alone because I want to and I chose to be this way. Being alone is not an issue, but feeling is.

I’ll work on that last thought.

Same feeling

Things havent change that much since the last post.

I mean, i’ve gone out and stuff, but I’m still not feeling fulfilled in a way. This disconfort is staying for a long time already and I’m waiting for it to fade away.

Maybe that’s the problem. Waiting wont change anything.

As I cant reset myself and start again (I think I wouldnt want to anyways), I think I’ll just need to re-adjust myself with this new situation…The thing is, i dont have much fun anymore whenever i go out or as a daily basis.

Most days, i’m just standing there, working or dancing, pretending i’m having a blast, when i could perfectly be in my living room doing the same thing. I’m standing there, surrounded by people…but i feel alone.

I am alone ‘cos i decided to be that way. I’m not talking about being single or not. I’ve been alone before and I was perfectly ok with it. But lately, i’ve been FEELING alone, which is a different story.

I have a mixture of dissapointness, sadness…I wouldnt say I’m unhappy, cos after all, i still keep my great life…but it’s different when you dont have or feel anyone close to you to share it with i guess.

It’s like going on an around-the-world trip and have noone to talk about it later. Like going to watch a great movie alone and have no-one to talk about it later.

It’s a new situation for me. A new experience…

I’ll keep on thinking about this and come up with something soon.